Doomed
by MispeledIronicallyMisspelled
Summary: Upon recently learning she was having a baby, he had insisted on breaking it properly to his parents in a 'sophisticated manner.' A plan which was doomed from the start. M for language. One-shot.


**A/N: A New Year's gift.**

**Disclaimer: whatever you recognise, isn't mine.**

* * *

"Gin, try and behave okay?"

"What do you mean, _try and behave_? I'm not an animal!"

"Okay, okay, sorry. But you just have a tendency to, well, act a little, well-"

"I see."

"Yes."

"Quite."

"Indeed."

Ginny let out a sigh and straightened out a crease in the forest-green silk gown she was wearing for the occasion. She didn't think the ensemble – complete with intricate silver jewellery and stiletto heels – was really necessary for a meal with Draco's parents, but he had insisted it was perfect. "We're announcing your pregnancy, don't forget!" he had constantly reminded her, not that she had forgotten. She had been dreading this occasion ever since Draco had arranged it. Upon recently learning she was having a baby, he had insisted on breaking it properly to his parents in a 'sophisticated manner.' A plan which was doomed from the start.

"It'll be fine, love," he soothed, running his hands gently along her tensed shoulders in a relaxing motion.

"I'm more worried about their behaviour to be honest," she snorted, fixing a stray red curl into place.

Her boyfriend rolled his eyes and shouldered his dark travelling cloak. "C'mon, then."

* * *

"Roast chicken breast in garlic and stilton sauce, served with dauphinoise potatoes and sautéed courgettes," announced a house-elf as it appeared with a tottering pile of glossy, silver dishes.

"Wonderful, Klav," smiled Narcissa as the house-elf served the dishes, piled with the elegant, steaming food.

Ginny stifled a smirk and looked down at the beautifully laid-out meal. Beside the dish was her cutlery; two forks on the left and three differently-sized knives on the right. _Which cutlery am I supposed to use? _she thought wildly.

Casting a glance to her left, she watched as Draco took the knife and fork from the outside, and hastily followed suit, heaping her fork with creamy potatoes.

"Mmm, great food, Narcissa!" she complimented, forgetting her mouth was full.

Narcissa merely stared at her loftily, her blue eyes icy. Chewing a small piece of chicken very slowly and deliberately, she swallowed and set down her knife and fork. "Yes, thank you, Ginevra," she said in a voice laced with cold disapproval.

Swallowing her food regretfully, Ginny set about scooping up some of the courgettes. An elbow to her ribs made her look round. "What?"she mouthed.

Draco motioned with his fork, delicately showing her the correct way to eat. "Fork the other way,"he mouthed in return, "don't shovel."

_Don't shovel? DON'T SHOVEL? _Ginny very deliberately turned her fork so the prongs directed downwards, glowering at Draco out of the corner of her eye as, with mock gracefulness, she used her knife to push a piece of chicken onto the curve of the fork. Now full-scale glaring at Draco, she lifted her fork to her mouth –

"Shit!" she hissed as the sauce-drenched chicken dropped off the fork and into her lap. Glancing round the table, she inconspicuously reached down to pick up the sticky meat.

"Everything alright, Ginevra?" called Narcissa from opposite her, watching her movement with one arched eyebrow.

Hastily whipping her hands from under the table, Ginny flicked her hair and attempted to look casual, realising how suspicious her position must have looked. "Oh, yes, thank you, Narcissa. Just – erm, straightening a crease in my skirt."

Narcissa pursed her lips in what was a cold, strained smile, and lowered her withering gaze to her plate once more.

Scowling at her smooth blonde head, Ginny plucked the chicken from her lap, and, in one swift movement, dropped it back on the plate. A muffled noise beside her made her look round; Draco was sat in his chair with his head hanging, convulsing with suppressed laughter.

"Shut. Up," she said through gritted teeth, snatching up her fork and stabbing a courgette.

The force in wish she sent the fork downwards knocked the plate sideways, and, as luck would have it, all three of the glittering knives went cascading to the floor with a loud clatter.

There was a long silence in which everyone ceased movement.

And then, Ginny grasped her fork again, lowered it to her plate and caught a small piece of garlicky chicken on its prongs. Bringing it up to her mouth, she chewed slowly with her mouth clamped shut, swallowed and then went for another tiny bite.

_Act casual, _she thought desperately, _act casual and no one will notice..._

"Ginevra, darling, I believe you dropped something," said Draco silkily.

"Oh!" said Ginny in mock surprise, letting out a tinkly little laugh which was not her own, "oh, dear, so I have..."

Leaning down under the table, she groped along the tiles in search of the knives. Two of them were directly below her but one was next to Lucius Malfoy's foot. There was nothing for it. Letting out a resigned sigh, Ginny stretched out as much as possible to reach the knife, but it seemed to be mocking her. It was just out of reach, lying just over an inch from her fingers, sparkling in amusement. Clenching her teeth, Ginny shuffled in her chair until she was half on the floor, with her bum in the air above her seat.

_Got it._

Face burning the same colour as her hair, she slid out from under the table, knocking her head off it as she did so.

"Shit!" she said for the second time that night, and then appeared above the table once more, wishing she could have stayed under it for a very long time. All three cold, stiff Malfoys were staring. Lucius looked faintly amused; Narcissa icily stern; and Draco trying his utmost not to burst into fits of laughter.

"Pudding?" Lucius suggested, watching his wife, who turned up her nose and pushed her barely-touched plate away from her. "Klav!"

Klav the house-elf appeared with a _crack_ and whisked away the dirty dishes. "Would Master and Mistress Malfoy like pudding, now?"

Narcissa seemed incapable of speech.

"Yes, please," said Lucius quickly, and Klav disappeared.

_This dinner could not be going any worse, _Ginny thought, _I've managed to drop three knives, expose my bum to the table and I've got a bloody garlic-scented white stain down my dress. Fantastic._

"Chocolate fudge pudding served with clotted cream," Klav beamed as he Apparated into the room with another stack of silver dishes.

_Chocolate pudding,_ Ginny thought appreciatively, _can't go wrong with that._

She dug her spoon into the gloopy chocolatey sponge.

_Oh, shit! _she thought suddenly, _the pregnancy. We were announcing the pregnancy at pudding._

Now feeling slightly nauseous, she wrinkled her nose and shook the chocolate pudding off the spoon. With a slight clearing of her throat, she glanced round at Draco, who was burying himself in his pudding.

"Ahem," she said quietly.

Draco continued to apply himself to his dessert.

"_Ahem,_" she said, more forcefully.

When he said nothing, she sighed and set down her spoon, meeting the gaze of his parents' who were watching her over spoons laden with chocolate pudding and clotted cream.

"Erm," she began, awkwardly shifting her arm so it hid the worst of the garlic and stilton sauce down her front. "Erm, well... this meal is actually a very special occasion."

Draco gave a tiny, barely audible snicker.

Shooting him a dark look, she continued. "We wanted to do this in the most, erm, appropriate way possible..."

Snicker.

"And _so,_" she said, her voice raising, "Draco and I would like to tell you that we-"

And then Draco lost it. His raised spoon fell to the bowl with a crash and he began to shout with laughter, tears streaming from his grey eyes and his hands clutching at his sides.

"Draco, dear," Narcissa began reproachfully, but her son was screeching with uncontrollable mirth, his head thrown backwards and his face screwed up.

"I'm sorry about him," Ginny hastened to cover up the awkwardness, vowing that she would show her boyfriend just how good at the Bat Bogey Hex she was when they got in, "we would like to – we would like to-"

But Draco's laughter was hysterical, drowning out her words. He was now bent double, his fists hammering the table while he shrieked like a banshee.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Ginny screeched. She got to her feet, knocking the knives to the floor again. "I'm knocked up, okay! Yes, I am up the duff! And now I'm leaving to get this ridiculous garlic cum stain off my dress, goodbye!"

And she stalked right out of the kitchen.

* * *

An hour later, a harassed-looking Draco tumbled into the flat he shared with Ginny, who was sat on the sofa, staring into the fire and tending to a glass of Firewhiskey.

She rose to her feet when she saw her boyfriend. "Shit, Draco, what happened – I'm sorry-"

He turned around, and he was grinning broadly. "Mother wants to know when you're next coming round."

**Happy New Year x**


End file.
